November « 2011 « Mommy Mishmash

Nov 28 Monday

Life Lessons ala Moi

There are moments in life when one should just stop talking.

When you’re a kid, taking off your britches and putting them back on, inside out, equals clean britches. (Until Mom catches you.)

Walking the grocery cart back into the store, guarantees you five miles of good karma. Ten miles if you do it while no one is looking.

If you have to buy personal items (lubricant, hemorrhoid cream, ultra super deluxe tampons) you can bet your pretty little face that a guy, who you had a crush on your sophomore year of high school, is going to walk up and stand in line behind you at the cash register. Chances are also good that the item won’t scan and the checker will have to type in the 45 digit key code. Insert uncomfortable pause here.

House elves make the holiday season bearable. So does too much wine, chocolate covered salty things and bribery.

Lavender scented dish soap makes domestic duties more enjoyable. So does lavender scented counter top spray, candles and dryer sheets.

Brown leggings do not go with everything. Or anything.

More than two of your neighbor’s homemade bran muffins, with your morning cuppa coffay, will render you useless for the better part of the early afternoon.

Pssst…Young snobby people. Be kind. Someday that will you YOU who goes out for a drink with your girlfriends, then leaves in a minivan, after showing all your friends how you tucked your Spanx into your underpants. And you will feel like you’ve accomplished something. Because you have! Dammit.

STOP TALKING.