Sometimes, when I get out of the shower, and there are only kid towels around, I have to use a horse or dog hooded towel. So naturally, I put it on my head, pony up and trot around SuperHub while be brushes his teeth. And it’s awesome.
Unless you see a baby’s head crowning, DO NOT ASK A WOMAN WHEN SHE IS DUE. Seriously. Gas, or a batch of raw cookie dough, can give a woman a protruding tummy in no time at all. Bite your tongue.
You know you need to lay off the drive-thru beverages when your 3 year old pulls up to you in her tiny plastic car and orders “A Diet Dr. Pepper and three chocolate milks please!“
After giving birth, you may (or may not) freely discuss hemorrhoids while getting your hair cut. Loudly. And think nothing of it.
It took me seven tries to attempt to spell aforementioned hemorrhoids before spell check realized what I was trying to say.
Sometimes I leave the water running while I brush my teeth. And I feel like a rebel.
I can remember the exact order of contents in our medicine cabinet, but I will never figure out which light switch corresponds to which light in our house. It’s like a disco when I turn off lights to go to bed. On, off. On, off. On, off.
I let my 3rd child eat lunch food for breakfast. Because she is the 3rd child.
When my kids cry, because they accidentally bite their finger while eating, I can’t help but laugh. Then they cry harder.
Contrary to popular belief, one can have too much coffee.
People who post pictures of random strangers on social networking sites, then make fun of them, make me (very) angry. Doooood. That was my cousin. Play nice. Karma is a bitch.
When we host houseguests who wear glasses, I don’t stress (as much) about scrubbing the showers. Because you don’t wear your glasses in the shower and therefore won’t see the imperfections. Same theory goes for cleaning to the top of the fridge. Reserved for the occasions that tall people come over for a visit.
Fancy hand soap makes me feel less boring.
I blame the kids every time we lose the channel changer. Whether or not they were the last ones to use it. Because getting up off the couch to adjust the volume would be RIDICULOUS.
I sometimes oooh and ahhh at the cute little ground squirrels in our back yard with the kiddos. But the moment the same ground squirrel starts gnawing on my tomatoes, I fly out of my chair screaming “Get out of here you rascally little varmint!”