In our house, there are two volumes; loud and louder.
Being loud, at times, comes in handy.
Like when you separate from your spouse in Target and don’t have your cell phone on hand. All he has to do is listen for the shrieks, giggles and commentary to find you, with a cart full of kids, exasperated in aisle 17.
There are also times when it is not ideal.
Like when you decide to take your family on an impromptu picnic at the park. If only other families didn’t have the same idea.
The family next to us had reusable water bottles, a cooler and cloth napkins. We did too, just at home. I could feel the judgement being passed on us as we plopped our plastic grocery bags, filled just minutes ago with picnic essentials, on the bird poop covered picnic table.
Then it began.
I HAVE TO PEE.
LIKE NOW MOM, I HAVE TO GO REALLY REALLLLLY BAD.
Note to you: I have this ridiculous idea that sexual predators, drug addicts and video cameras inhabit every public restroom with outdoor access. Therefore, I will not enter one, especially with my children.
Being that we were in the forest, I suggested they each find a tree, very very discreetly.
The kids slipped off the beaten path, pulled down their britches and then began to yell…Of course they did. At the very top of their lungs. What is worse? They require an answer so they keep yelling until you yell back.
MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM, I HAVE TO TAKE ALL MY CLOTHES OFF BECAUSE I ALMOST PEE’D ALL OVER THEM! OKAY? OKAY MOM? OKAAAAAAAAAAAAY?
On second thought, maybe the drug dealers hiding in the public restrooms aren’t that bad, right?