Archive for June, 2011
I have said it before, my girls take after me. It’s not just the
constant stream of drama oozing from every pore in their perfectly pale white skinvibrant personalities they possess, it’s the mannerisms too.
Because my sister and her family are here visiting this week (YAY!), we found ourselves with just one kid last night. How this happens, I don’t know, but I like it. A lot.
Sammy is 2, going on 17, and obsessed with princess everything. Music, movies, plastic dolls, books, fruit snacks…Basically every Disney media machine product except under britches. Because that would mean she has to actually be potty trained. And that is another story for another time.
So there we were. Myself, Sam and SuperHub. All snuggled in bed reading princess books and talking about our favorite parts of the day. It was time for kisses and Sam leaned in to give SuperHub a nice juicy one, smack dab on the lips. Not your usual “good night daddy” kiss, but the romantic kind that our kids are constantly subjected to by Cinderella and The Little Mermaid.
As he turned his face side to side, trying to deflect her pucker, I let him in on a little secret. “She won’t stop until you just give her a quick peck.”
He relented and as soon as her lips hit his, she farted.
As he came up for breath, drowing in a sea of laughter, he mustered one last comment.
“Yep, she takes after her mother!”
In our house, there are two volumes; loud and louder.
Being loud, at times, comes in handy.
Like when you separate from your spouse in Target and don’t have your cell phone on hand. All he has to do is listen for the shrieks, giggles and commentary to find you, with a cart full of kids, exasperated in aisle 17.
There are also times when it is not ideal.
Like when you decide to take your family on an impromptu picnic at the park. If only other families didn’t have the same idea.
The family next to us had reusable water bottles, a cooler and cloth napkins. We did too, just at home. I could feel the judgement being passed on us as we plopped our plastic grocery bags, filled just minutes ago with picnic essentials, on the bird poop covered picnic table.
Then it began.
I HAVE TO PEE.
LIKE NOW MOM, I HAVE TO GO REALLY REALLLLLY BAD.
Note to you: I have this ridiculous idea that sexual predators, drug addicts and video cameras inhabit every public restroom with outdoor access. Therefore, I will not enter one, especially with my children.
Being that we were in the forest, I suggested they each find a tree, very very discreetly.
The kids slipped off the beaten path, pulled down their britches and then began to yell…Of course they did. At the very top of their lungs. What is worse? They require an answer so they keep yelling until you yell back.
MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM, I HAVE TO TAKE ALL MY CLOTHES OFF BECAUSE I ALMOST PEE’D ALL OVER THEM! OKAY? OKAY MOM? OKAAAAAAAAAAAAY?
On second thought, maybe the drug dealers hiding in the public restrooms aren’t that bad, right?
Cops throw the best parties. And rather enjoy my bakery.
And if you’re lucky to have cop friends, you not only get to make your neighbors suspicious on various occasions when a squad car pulls into your driveway, you get to enjoy things like great stories about handcuffs while noshing on molten nacho cheese straight out of a bag.
Every year our friends (one of whom is a cop) throw a party to celebrate the acquisition of their Nacho Machine.
“This marvel of slightly aged engineering flawlessly maintains up to 18.8 lbs of synthetic nacho cheese at the delicious temperature of 137-142 degrees.”
And it’s beautiful.
Related: I am completely obsessed with Skinny Girl margaritas. Tis the season! I mean seriously. It’s summer vacation, no school, mama is here alone with three kids ALL day long. At the end of an emotionally (and physically) exhausting day, sometimes I just want a drink sans the effort. Enter Skinny Girl.
While putzing around my kitchen before the party, I decided to whip up a batch of margarita cupcakes. While I used Skinny Girl margarita, this recipe isn’t for the faint of heart. Or maintaining thin thighs. There is nothing skinny about these cupcakes. As with all good food (and drinks), it’s about moderation people. Do what I do, SHARE!
While I made this cake recipe from scratch, it was only out of necessity. I didn’t have a white cake mix on hand. In my humble opinion, boxed cake mixes work JUST fine. If you want to be fancy, do it this way. If you are a believer in Betty Crocker, like me, just substitute the liquid in the cake recipe with Skinny Girl margarita or any other pre-mixed margarita mix.
You will need:
½ Cup unsalted sweet cream butter, room temperature
1 Cup sugar
2 Eggs, room temperature
Zest and juice of 1 lime
4 Tablespoons Skinny Girl
½ Cup buttermilk (I used 1/2 Tablespoon vinegar poured into 1/2 Cup skim milk, let stand for 5 minutes)
1½ Cups flour
1½ teaspoons baking powder
¼ teaspoon salt
Preheat your oven to 350 degrees.
Mix your vinegar and milk to make “buttermilk” if needed. With a mixer, blend sugar and butter together for 5 minutes, until light and fluffy. Add your eggs, one at a time, blending well after each addition. Add the lime juice, zest and Skinny Girl. The batter will turn clumpy. That is OK! Scrape down the sides and blend again.
In a separate bowl, whisk together flour, baking powder and salt. Add slowly to the wet mixture, blending well.
Scoop batter, in even amounts, into liner filled cupcake pans.
Bake for 20-25 minutes (until golden brown and toothpick inserted comes out clean) and remove from oven. After 5 minutes, baste the top of each cupcake with Skinny Girl and move to cooling rack to cool completely.
Lime Tequila Butter Cream Frosting
1 Cup unsalted sweet cream butter, room temperature
3 Cups powdered sugar
1 Tablespoon lime juice
3 Tablespoons Skinny Girl
Zest of 1 lime
Pinch of coarse salt
With a whisk attachment, or hand mixer, whip butter until light and fluffy. Slowly add powdered sugar, lime juice, Skinny Girl, lime zest and salt. Add more sugar if needed until you reach the desired consistency.
Using a large plastic bag, with the corner snipped off, swirl frosting onto cooled cupcakes. Garnish with a lime wedge if you feel fancy! Or if you’re like me and want to mark the cupcakes with a fruit your kids won’t eat intentionally.
Store out of reach of children, if they last that long.
Seriously. These are ridiculously good. The idea of them is nearly as good as the frosting.
I walked into a local sandwich shop today.
Me: “Do you have $5 foot long sandwiches?”
The lady behind the counter roller her eyes at me and said “No. But we have $5 TWLEVE INCH sandwiches.”
I went ahead and let her think I was the dumb one.