Archive for June, 2010
Disclaimer: I am guilty of many (if not all) of these at some point. This is meant to poke fun at something everyone thinks but no one wants to say.
Facebook is my daily vice that I love to hate. It’s evil. And wonderful. It’s how I keep tabs on many (many) people I love. And some I kind of like. Each day, at least twice, I try to sit down and catch up on my news feed. Some days are great for a laugh, or an important news article. Some days I have to shut down my laptop and walk away.
These humdingers are a generalization of repeat offenders in my Friends list. And go.
Can I Buy You a Vowel Update (No, really. Please, can I?)
OMG, im @ wrk, thz dy scks!
The Cliffhanger also referred to as The Unnecessarily Vague Update
Why does this kind of thing always have to happen to me? (5 hours go by with no replies to the comments pleading for answers just to find out your fish died. Or you sat too long at a red light.)
The Passive Aggressive Update
I am just embarrassed for you.
Why can’t we ALL just get ALONG?
You just messed with the wrong person, bring it on!
The Overuse of Punctuation Update
I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My Blood Alcohol Content Is Two Times The Legal Limit Update
Timestamps are an obvious clue. (I have been guilty of these! Much thanks to red wine.)
3:29 am You are the nicest person I have EVER met and I LOVE YOU SO MUCH. KISS YOU!!!
Complaint O’ The Day
It’s raining, it’s hot, it’s cold, damn snow, I’m tired again today, she’s tired, we’re all tired, everyone is crazy, damn you for not agreeing with my radical views on canned meat.
Let’s Sit Next To Each Other And Repeatedly Comment About How Awesome We Are On Our iPhones
Self explanatory and wrong on so many levels.
I adore Aveda.
Having worked for the company in my previous life, I have the utmost respect for how they incorporate organic sustainable ingredients into their products that profit the livelihood of cultures in tiny pockets around the globe.
And because it smells crazy good. And makes me feel purdy.
Every so often, when our budget tightens around the time we need more shampoo, I pick some up at Target Boutique to get us through.
As with moist bathroom wipes made for kids any bathroom product, I don’t think shampoo should smell like melons, apples or grapes.
That makes shampoo shopping tricky.
A couple weeks ago, while on a quick mission for things that keep us clean, I happened upon Suave Rosemary Mint Shampoo. Intrigued, I threw it in the cart.
After using it everday for 14 days, I love it almost as much as my favorite Aveda products. That, my friends, is a bold statement.
It’s light, invigorating aroma is enough to perk up my energy level even on the sleepiest of mornings. It thoroughly cleans hair (sweat, hair products, maple syrup) and leaves no residue behind to weigh down my fine locks.
In short, it’s rad dooods.
And it’s cheap. Which makes it even better. At $2 ish, it has fast become a staple in my shower.
Confession: I did give in and pick up a new liter of Shampure to use every so often. Yes, I realize. I have issues. But at least I smell good sitting here with me, myself and all my issues.
Note to You: It makes a great gentle laundry soap for hand wash only items.
I got some new sunglasses. They are awesome. And cheap. Which means I will have them for years. Because everyone knows the quickest way to lose sunglasses is to spend mucho buckos on them.
So I got home and asked SuperHub what he thought of my new shades.
“Should I kiss you or swat you with a fly swatter?”
Ain’t he a funny one?
And yes, I cropped out my face. You would too if you were brave enough to post your jiggly bits online.
I made it my friends.
What I started 10 weeks ago, making good on a drunken promise to a friend, has manifested into something that has altogether changed my life. And the shape of my ass.
Six days a week minus 4 days when I was unable to move my workout buddies and I fell onto the mats at 4:45 am ready for an ass kicking always tougher than the day before. We groaned, complained and eventually began to marvel at how great one another looked.
I could see the people around me transforming. Some of them I knew by name, some of them I knew only by details: The super fan of wrestling, the girl in the pink marathon shirt, the hottie in the front row. It never dawned on me that my body was transforming too.
Week 5 testing came and went and by week 7 I could feel definite upgrades. Week 8, I woke up every morning and jumped. No I am not kidding. And I would watch myself land in the mirror. Everyday there was less wiggle in my jiggly parts and it hurt less and less to move.
Those who have known me my entire life know I am the farthest thing from athletic. My crowning sports achievement in high school was making co-captain of my poms squad senior year. POMS 4EVA!
I will never be skinny. Nor do I want to be. I can blame it on my German heritage. And my affection for things covered in cheese. As I have said before, my body has created three amazing children and that, besides growing an extra ass, is my hugest accomplishment.
At week 10 testing, I stepped entirely out of my comfort zone, put on spandex and went balls to the walls.
Here are the results:
– 6.75 inches
– 2.2 lbs
– 4% body fat
63 push-ups/minute (+39)
9:22 mile (-2 minutes)
+ 4 inches sit and reach (flexibility)
Monday morning, I woke up at 4 am to start all over again. For the next year, I am going to continue to go bust my booty. For myself, for my workout buddies and for the life long benefits of living a healthier lifestyle.
And it’s not as tiring walking around with only one ass.
More Related Links: Here.
Shameless plug for the company I have grown to love…Farrell’s eXtreme Bodyshaping®. C’mon, you know you want to join too! I dare you. Double dog dare. HEY-OH!
Yes, it’s 80+ degrees outside and I am using my CrockPot. I can make dinner during nap time, have dishes done before dinner is served and enjoy the afternoon frolicking in the sunshine with my tater tots. Or fold laundry. Or practice making balloon animals.
Enter Apricot Orange Pork Chops. This is a favorite of ours thanks to A Year Of Slow Cooking blog by Stephanie O’Dea. It’s crazy tasty and ridiculously easy.
I love recipes that I am reminded of and have everything on hand to make that day. This go round I only had 1/4 of a jar of apricot preserves so I added some hot water and shook the jar well. It worked beautifully.
My family gobbled up their portions over rice with a side of veggies while I was sweating my balls off at hot yoga. When I got home, I forked the tender meat over a bed of fresh spinach and spooned some of the cooking liquid over the top as dressing. Doooooood.
Note To You: Use bone-in, thick cut chops if you can. While boneless chops do work, they tend to cook quickly and can dry out. Check after 4 hours to make sure there is enough liquid in the pot.
You will need:
1 cup apricot jam
3 tablespoons brown sugar
1 teaspoon kosher salt
1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon ground ginger
1/4 teaspoon ground cloves
1 can mandarin oranges, with juice (11 or 15 oz)
You are supposed to place your chops in the CrockPot and then mix the ingredients before pouring them over the top. If you are me, you forget this detail and throw things in as you go. Either way, they turn out perfectly. You can leave out any offensive spices. Resist the urge to add more than listed above. Cook on low for 6-8 hours or on high for 4 hours.
Serve over a bed of rice to soak up the juices or over fresh spinach. YUM.
Too many people I love are battling cancer. My nephew, Jack Jack the Super Kid, is one of them. It’s not an easy time for him or his parents. My sister and brother-in-law inspire me every single day. They have a tremendous amount of strength, positivity and an innate ability to create joy where it may be most needed.
Sometimes they need to hear that.
My gorgeous cousin, Dana, is battling breast cancer. Just being with her makes you feel good. She has full embraced her situation and makes everyone around her feel comfortable with her constant wisecracking, honesty and beautiful display of how life should be lived.
She needs to be reminded of that.
A loyal reader, and friend, of this blog has been battling the cancer, which has recently spread to her lymphatic system. Her spirit and determination make all of those who are lucky to know her a better person. I think about her constantly. And her young children. She is the epitome of grace.
It’s time she know that.
So I am sending them all these cards, made by Molly Lee on etsy.com. Paired with the perfect Roy Rogers stamps, these cards say everything I want to say. And more.
My kids will do anything to avoid going to bed. Sit on the toilet for 30 minutes claiming they have to poop, need endless drinks of water, beg for just one more hug and kiss.
In an effort to deter them from climbing back out of their cozy niches, I decided to create a remedy of sorts.
Good Dreams Spray.
We purchased a plastic squirt bottle from the garden section of my favorite Target Boutique. When we got home, I grabbed a Sharpie and labeled it Good Dreams.
We filled it with tap water, a knock knock joke to make it happy (see below), 6 smiles, 2 giggles, a hefty dose of patience, a sprinkle of gratitude, a ray of sunshine and some inadvertent whizpops.
If I had some lavender oil on hand, we would have added a bit for a nice aroma.
Voila! Good Dreams in a bottle.
As with everything in my house, there are rules.
• You must stay in bed for 5 minutes before you get sprayed.
• Kiddos decide how many sprays it will take to ensure sweet dreams.
• If you get out of bed, the magic is broken and there are no reapplications. So stay in bed!
I have also pondered making a different varieties of potions:
Not Tonight Spray
Serenity Now Spray
Get Over It Spray
Who is there?
I eat mop.
I eat mop who?
You eat your poo?
Honestly, I don’t love these enough to rave about this recipe. As a wee bit of a bakery snob, these curious brownies didn’t completely blow my skirt up. They did, however, satisfy a craving and were a crowd pleaser for the 6 and under crowd. Always a bonus.
At a recent par-tay someone mentioned to me that you could make brownies with a basic mix and a can of pumpkin. That is it. You mix the pumpkin with the dry brownie mix, stir, pour ad bake. Basically you remove all the fat from the recipe and add loads of fiber, potassium and vitamin A.
That is my kind of recipe. In theory.
Yesterday was rainy and dark so the stir crazy kids and I decided to give this a shot.
Upon opening the can of pumpkin, I peaked their interest. When I added it to the brownie mix, they scattered.
“Ugh, that SMELLS TERRIBLE MOM. I am NOT going to eat that!”
It did smell awful. Since were were halfway there, and the oven was preheated, I kept on mixing. Pretty soon I had a velvety batter. I got up the nerve to dip a finger and sample it. Wow. It tasted like brownie batter. Not pumpkin. It took some serious bribery to get my kitchen assistants to give it a try and they quickly changed their tune.
We baked the brownie at 350° for 30 minutes. Oddly enough, it looked almost exactly the same coming out of the oven as it did going in.
Once it cooled a bit, we sprinkled the top (generously) with powdered sugar. We cut the pan into 18 servings.
First impression: They were very moist. Good flavor, but an odd consistency. The second, third and final bite got better and better. They are most certainly edible.
While I am not sure I would make them again, these are a great healthy option for an intense chocolate craving. I did the math and each brownie contains only 122 calories and no fat.
Part of my sales pitch to the kids was these were healthy enough to eat for breakfast. So guess what they had for breakfast today? Brownies. Don’t you judge me.
Listening to a 78 year old man reminisce, over a cup of coffee, about the day his first wife was killed in a car accident with himself and their two daughters in the car. Telling you how he was lucky to find love again only to lose his second wife to cancer 20 years later.
Missing the duck that waddled into the street and nearly under your front left tire.
Watching the sun rise, or set.
Ice cream cone dripping down a kiddo’s chin on a warm summer night.
Celebrating the birthday of someone who has spent any amount of time battling cancer, or some other life threatening disease. Watching them blow out candles and smile at your ridiculous, heartfelt version of Happy Birthday.
Discovering your coffee cup still half full and warm enough to finish.
Every bit of laundry being completely clean and sorted. I was going to add “and put away” but I really can’t remember what that feels like.
Knock knock jokes.
Yelling for someone to have them answer from just around the corner. Bonus if you are in need of something timely like a roll of toilet paper. Related: Realizing that your 6 year old is more capable of changing a roll of toilet paper than most grownups.
News stories that give you hope.
Sitting down after a long day to discover your favorite show waiting for your viewing pleasure on the DVR. Bonus if you didn’t remember it was on today. Double bonus if it’s the Real Housewives (of anywhere) or Wipeout.
Finishing a great workout. Barely, but finishing all the same.
Realizing that your diaper-less kid (airing out a rash) pee’d on the hardwood floor. Not the couch.