Archive for April, 2010

Apr 30 Friday

To Do List

Today I will not feel guilty when I sit down to try to finish my coffee before it gets cold. I will look my children in the eye for 15 minutes each while they tell me about their “Cats on a Toilet” drawing and dinosaurs that I cannot pronounce (let alone spell). I will ignore all the Facebook status updates that talk about being tired because it’s ALL ABOUT CHOICES PEOPLE. I will probably fart when I do a sit up. And I will laugh. And then I might pee a little. Then I will laugh a little more. And I am OK with that.

Today I am going to do nice things for other people who don’t expect it. Then I am going to be nice to myself and take a nap. Even if it’s 15 minutes long. And in car line. And someone has to honk at me to wake me up.

Today I am going to snuggle a new baby and wish I could have just one more. Then I will come home, see the laundry pile that is bigger than my sofa and think fondly of the nap I took earlier. I’ll nix the idea of further reproduction. Then I will be grateful (once again) for modern medicine.

Today I am going enjoy the blue sky, the warm sun and the impending rain. I am going to smell the lilacs. Then I will sneeze. But it will be a good sneeze. Especially when Sammy, 1 year, says “Bess Ou Mommy!”

What are you going to do today?

Friday April 30, 2010

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Apr 28 Wednesday

Filed under: Things I never thought I would say

To my child, perched on the potty:

“Thank you for holding off on pooping until I could get your sister to stop drinking the toilet water. That would have been super duper icky! Now you can go. And I am so proud of you!”

What a crappy birthday gift idea.

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Apr 27 Tuesday

I’ll show you mine if you show me yours

Chances are good that every time a parent opens a car door for someone to peer into their car, without prior knowledge, they are going to apologize: “My car is so messy. Please excuse the clutter.”

I cringe when someone gets an unexpected glimpse into my dirty daycare-on-wheels and then remind myself that most parents are in the same boat. Or car. Whatever your preferred mode of transportation is these days.

Banana peels, rancid sippy cups hidden far under the driver side seat, loose change, single mittens, sweatshirts, half eaten graham crackers, coupons, permission slips, glitter, feathers, crumpled artwork (you had every intention of framing), dead flowers and the elusive dehydrated McDonalds french fry here and there.

And this is just the inventory of the second row.

Before I had my first baby, a good friend told me to take a good look at my back seat, because I wouldn’t see it again for another decade or longer. My how right she was.

It’s encouraging to know that I am not alone. And I know I am not.

Four times a year, after SuperHub spends a few hours detailing the family cars, I will happily open my door and pretend it always looks this nice.

Every other time I am going to hesitate to show you all the junk in my trunk.  But I will if it will make you feel better.

More confessions: Here and here.

My dream car. No joke.

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Apr 26 Monday

Leftovers Pizza

This weekend was cold and rainy and I was HUNGRY. Being the cheap skate that I am, the thought of ordering out didn’t set well with me with an entire fridge full of leftovers.

The problem was we had just a little bit of everything, including a single grilled sirloin steak, half an onion and half a bag of frozen chopped green peppers.

So I pulled out a 2 pack of Mama Mary’s Whole Wheat with Honey pizza crusts and went to work creating a leftovers pizza, which turned out to be a great rendition of a Philly Cheese steak Pizza.

First I made the kids a cheese pizza. Not because they wouldn’t eat my Philly business, quite honestly, I just didn’t want to share my half with anyone. If you eat regular meals with kids, you understand. You hardly ever get to eat anything without a kid scrounging around asking for a bite and then commandeering the entire serving.

First I preheated the oven to 400 degrees. Next I chopped up the onion and began to saute it in some olive oil. I caramelized the onion, stirring often and adjusting the heat until the onion was a beautiful golden brown color. It took about 10 minutes.

I lightly brushed over the pre-cooked pizza crust with olive oil and set it aside. I added the frozen chopped green pepper and garlic to the onions and sauteed a few minutes more until the peppers were soft. Then I added a dash of A1 Sauce to the mixture and removed it from the heat.

I poured the onion, pepper and garlic mixture over the crust and spread it out evenly. Next I chopped up the steak and spread it over the veggie mixture. Because I was so excited to eat it, I opened a bag of shredded provolone/mozzarella cheese (Pizza mix) and dumped it on top. I spread it evenly and popped that bad boy in the oven.

It baked for about 14 minutes and I will tell you, it smelled amazing. SuperHub is a fan of “party square” cut pizza and since this is a heavily topped crust, it was best way to serve it. Or inhale it. Which I did.

We drizzled A1 sauce over the top and went town.

Leftovers have never tasted so good. Ever. Like EVER.

You will need:

6 oz sized (or larger) cooked steak
Onion, chopped
Green pepper, chopped (I used frozen)
A1 Steak Sauce
Pizza Cheese, provolone & mozzarella
Mama Mary’s Whole Wheat with Honey pizza crust (comes in a 2 pack)
Olive oil
Garlic, chopped

Stick a fork in me, I am done.

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Apr 23 Friday

Tip of the Day

If you ask your spouse, or a close friend, to rub IcyHot on a sore muscle spot, do not fall asleep.

Or remind them that if they get frisky and start rubbing other squishy parts, THEY HAVE ICYHOT ON THEIR HANDS.

All I will say is I woke up to the sound of screams before I realized it was me screaming.

Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.

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Apr 20 Tuesday

Well, color me Mauvelous! Or Periwinkle! Or Unmellow Yellow!

Thank you all for your concerned emails. No, I am not stuck on a toilet seat. Phew.

I have been busy just being busy. And making crayons. Yes, crayons. MY LIFE IS GLAMOROUS PEOPLE.

When I told a friend we were making crayons today, she replied “You’re nuts, you can buy them these days you know?”

Everyday, after school, I hear a desperate plea followed by the same whining cry that emphasizes what a mean mom I am because I make my kids talk to me: “Can I play Wii? Leapster? Computer games? Listen to my MP3 player? PLEASE? Please? PLEASE? Really Mom, PLEASE?”

So today I was prepared with my reply “Today we are going to make crayons!”

Yeah, that didn’t go over as well as I expected. So I announced that I was happy to do it myself. And I started too. And what do you know, pretty soon I had two very eager helpers, giggling excitedly as they unwrapped crayons.

I WIN. So I turned on the oven to 300 degrees and basked in my victory.

Each of the kids chose an array of colors from our massive coffee canister of nubby stumpy crayons. We were careful to use only Crayola brand, there is a difference in quality that is evident as you melt the wax.

We peeled them naked and broke the crayons into bits. I used 4 paper muffin cups, stacked, per crayon and we created little color combos to match our moods.

Then I placed the paper cups in a muffin pan. We put it in the 300 degree oven for about 4 minutes, until all the wax was melted. When you can smell the wax, it’s ready.

Then we carefully removed the pan and I gently lifted each muffin cup (careful not to spill) and poured the melted wax into silicone star shaped molds. I bought a star and heart shaped set at IKEA for $2 a couple years ago.

You could use any silicone mold or even an old ice cube tray.

Let them cool (fridge or counter top) until they are set and pop them out. They are SUPER cute and really fun! And they are great for little hands to use to create beautiful artwork.

Wrap them up and give them as a gift! Or make theme ones for party favors. Or make them because they are cute and you want to keep them in a jar on your counter.

Your friends with be green with envy and your kids will be tickled pink.

Caught red handed! (With a splash of pink.)

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Apr 17 Saturday

Yard Work

Be cautious with your wording when talking about your landscaping goals in front of other people. Because certain words make it sound quite dirty.

So if you have a guest over, don’t say something like:

“This weekend, my main goal is the get the bush up front trimmed up and everything cleaned up around the back.”

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Apr 16 Friday

FOUND: Inner Bad Ass(ness)

After tomorrow, my 6th and final day of boot camp this week, I will have survived the toughest workout week of my entire life. Not once did I actually get stuck on the toilet. It just may have taken me longer to get the courage to stand up. Although, one night I did have to text SuperHub to come turn off my lamp when I went to bed 5 hours earlier than he did. It’s not that I didn’t want to do it myself, it’s that my abs were coping an attitude and every time I attempted to roll over they put me back in my place.

Bitch, please. After what you did to us this morning? I don’t think so. NOW LAY DOWN.

I will be honest. During my workouts, there were many times I wanted to collapse on the mat and cry. But something has happened to me that was beyond my own expectations: I once again found my inner bad ass.

Hell yes I did.

When I am kicking and punching the bag, dripping in sweat and all my muscles are burning, I feel the best I have felt in years. I am getting my strength back.

Yes, I have a long road ahead of me. But week 1 is in the books and I have amazed myself. And my jiggly parts are less squishy. Always a bonus.

I have had a lot of people express interest in starting a similar program or routine and quickly follow it up with “There is no way I could do it.” I just laugh and use the old (but true) cliche, if I can do it, YOU can do it. Trust me. I am so not athletic.

Plus, as a very wise man once said, “Whether you think can, or you can’t, you’re right.”

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Apr 15 Thursday

Full Disclosure

My blog is not sponsored and never has been. I do not receive free items or services for blogging about things I love.

Or hate.

I just am opinionated enough to tell you when I love (or hate) things like toothpaste, pancake batter and the right to have chickens or goats living in your back yard. For the record: Disgusting when it’s your neighbor.

In fact, get your shocked look on, I have never been paid for this blog. Not when it was hosted on another site and not when I picked up and moved out here onto my own little cyber island of insanity. It is my creative outlet and daily therapy session. You can’t put a price tag on that.

Yes, I do free lance work on the side. Different outlet and as you know, writers get paid in peanuts.

If at any time in the future I pick up sponsorship, you will know. I will scream it from the rooftops. I will never blow smoke up your ass or try to sell you something I don’t love love love myself.

Now that this issue has been cleared, who is hungry for peanuts?

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Apr 14 Wednesday

Beans Beans The Magical Fruit

I know beans are not a fruit, but that is the song I sang when I was a kid and it’s the song I sing to my kids now to get them to eat their beans.

And because farting will always be funny to me.

Beans, beans the magical fruit,
The more you eat, the more you toot.
The more you toot, the better you feel,
So let’s have beans at every meal!

It’s grilling weather which means putting some meat on the grill and throwing an impromptu dinner party with friends any night of the week.

The kids can play outside, we get to drink beer on the deck and enjoy adult conversation.

Enter my Magic Bean dish. I first came up with this recipe three years ago when we were out of baked beans one night and it was too late to go to the store before dinner. It was born out of desperation and it’s now a staple at our house.

And it’s oh so very tasty. On the grill, it smells almost as good as it tastes.

Bonus: It’s super duper healthy. Beans are chocked full of soluble fiber which helps your body digest cholesterol before it’s absorbed. They are also a great source of folic acid, potassium and protein.

What you need:

Beans (Whatever kind you like is fine although butter beans tend to get mushy.)
1 can Garbonzo
1 can Black beans
1 can Dark red kidney beans

1 Red onion
Garlic
Olive oil
Fresh cracked pepper
Salt
Bacon – optional
Aluminum foil

Rinse your beans well in a strainer to remove all the canning juices. Chop up your onion and garlic. Stir the onion and garlic into your beans.  Lay three pieces of aluminum foil out, overlapping one another and pour the bean mixture into the middle. Add salt, pepper and drizzle with olive oil.

If we have cooked bacon on hand (rarely makes it long at our house) I chop up a piece or two and sprinkle over the top.

Fold up the ends and sides of the foil to create a pouch. Place your beans on a hot grill for about 30 minutes. Depending on where you place the beans on the grill top, 20 minutes may be long enough to heat everything through.

Don’t have a grill? Throw your mixture into a casserole dish and bake at 350 for 30 minutes.

As with any healthy meal, these bad boys might add a little propellant to your parade.  Consider yourself warned.

Bean there, done that.

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