Parental Commandments

Originally posted June 8, 2009.

Thou shalt not judge other parents by the interior of their cars.
The floor may contain, but not be limited to: Partially intact Happy Meal toys, beach towels, Cheerios, bottles of sun screen, empty juice boxes, chewed up straws, grocery store/doctor’s office stickers, receipts dating back to 2007, winter coats (in June), two mittens that do not match, 15 dehydrated french fries and enough sand to refill a sandbox.

Thou shalt not stop over, for a visit, without calling ahead.
We live in a world where most people have a phone more accessible than clean drinking water. Use it. Being a parent is like managing a zoo. I can’t guarantee that my kids (or myself) will be decent or that there isn’t a mystery poop smell waiting to greet you.

Thou shalt not assume that because you may be pregnant or have young kids, that everyone wants to be pregnant or have kids.
You also do not have the right to ask parents of multiples if they used “artificial means” to have their children. I cringe when I hear someone insinuate some such thing, especially in a group of people. You never know what struggles people are encountering so keep your trap shut. If someone has something to share, they will share it with you in due time. Pardon the pun.

Thou shall think before speaking, especially in presence of other parents, that your child is “above average”, “advanced” or “gifted”.
Everyone thinks their child is advanced. Um, excuse me, isn’t that your kid over there eating dirt with my kid?

Thou shalt not be offended by the laundry pile (or sink of dirty dishes) that maintains permanent residence in some family homes.
If you are, feel free to sort, fold and put away.

Thou shalt not ask “When are you due with your baby?” to a woman unless you see the baby crowning.
If you do not know whether or not she is prego, do not ask. Seriously. Seriously.

Thou shall remember to laugh when you want to cry, say something nice at least 4 times a day and don’t worry about the little things.