Mar 11 Wednesday

Confessions Of An Imperfect Mom (Wife)

Originally posted March 11, 2009.

1.) I can tell within the first 7 seconds of a phone call if someone has a computer question for Super Hub. This happens more often than I care to tell you. I am contemplating setting hours and charging for his time. Everyone thinks he should know how to fix their problem right then, over the phone and if he can’t they get annoyed. I get it. I know their pain. See #4.

2.) There has been (at least) one occasion where Sam sat on the kitchen table, in her car seat, and I nearly backed out of the driveway without her. Two out of three ain’t bad.

3.) I bribe my children. Suckers, computer time, an extra story at night, whatever it takes. There have been times when they could have had a pony if their negotiation skills were a wee bit sharper.

4.) My laptop sits on my kitchen counter all day. I steal glances at it to stay in touch with the outside world. If our internet is down for some odd reason, I get really crabby and want Super Hub to fix it. Like, 5 minutes ago. See #1. Only it’s me calling him.

5.) There was a time and a place, I clearly recall, when I uttered the words “My kids will never eat McDonald’s or any other fast food.” We now eat a drive thru lunch at least once a week. Cooper even special requests cheese roll ups from Taco Bell. It’s called reality people.

6.) I believe that breast feeding is a choice. I don’t tell you what to do with your body fluids, don’t tell me what to do with mine.

7.) I love to grocery shop alone. At night. Preferably on a Friday. The shelves are full and it’s just me, the employees and some drunk guy in the frozen foods aisle, then chip aisle, then candy aisle trying to figure out what he has the munchies for. Usually he ends up with a frozen burrito and bouquet of flowers.

8.) When I do grocery shop with all three kids, it is a spectacle. Just ask many of my lovely blog readers. I am most recognized pushing the massive orange race car around Hy-Vee, exasperated with two sticky faced kids in the seat and poor Sammy in her car seat, in the basket, surrounded by frozen veggies and random Hot Deals. This week it was $.99 bags of cheese. Seriously, $.99 bags of cheese!

9.) Laundry is my biggest battle and one I consistently lose. Wash, dry, then re-wash what I (SuperHub) forgot to move to the dryer and dry, fold and put away. It’s not rocket science. It’s worse. When I get a kinky hair and get it all done no one can close their drawers and we run out of hangers.

10.) My kids watch TV. Sometimes they watch “more than the recommended amount” of TV in a day. I am perfectly OK with that. You should be too. If your kids don’t watch TV, you have more willpower than I do. Good for you! My kids know what a pigmy marmoset is, do yours? Team Diego!

11.) I feel guilty every time I say “I have no idea what I did when I only had (insert number less than three) kids!” around another parent. No one has it easy and more kids doesn’t make you any busier. Just crazier.

12.) When I am in the car alone, which rarely happens, I turn the radio up too loud and listen to trashy music like Break Stuff by Limp Bizkit and Shoop by Salt-N-Pepa. It is my therapy.